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There’s still a little bit of summertime left, and you may not have everything you need to face the heat, or perhaps you want to start stocking up for next year. You’re probably looking for the best in summer clothes and supplies, right? Great! Stay away from this stuff.

  1. This double-layer umbrella hat. It’ll shield your face from the sun, protect you from summer rain, and also function as a tent big enough for your whole family.


Enjoy camping! Don’t forget to wear your pagoda.

  1. This exterminator-themed swimsuit. The gorgeous dishwater color is adorned with vibrant rats, cockroaches, and more.

It’ll really bug me if I see anyone wearing this. Get it? ...I’ll show myself out.

  1. This “futuristic” silver eye shield. Recommended only for those trying to emulate the iconic cyber corn woman.

Just tell people they’re Gucci.

  1. This… um, artistic beach towel. There’s nothing that makes a trip to the beach more special than looking down at your towel and seeing a dead, emotionless face stare back up at you and directly into your soul.

An image of the typical office worker before caffeine.

  1. These Swarovski-embellished Crocs. They’re advertised as being great for a bride, but really, is there any event where Crocs AREN’T perfect?

Obtainable for a mere $75 plus your sense of dignity.

  1. This Minion-themed beverage flask. Ideal for filling with soda pop, coffee, or vodka, depending on how many children are going to be in the vicinity.

Actually, maybe just don’t buy anything Minion-themed ever.

  1. This style of acid-wash jeans. Achieve the look of having peed yourself without actually having to do it!

Levi Strauss did NOTHING to deserve this.

  1. These flip-flops with individual toe holders. Get a pair for everyone in your household and terrorize the neighborhood.

Looking at these somehow triggers my fight-or-flight response.

  1. This inflatable pool lounger where drinks are stored underneath your body (???). There’s also a giant hole beneath your legs (??????).