Isn’t Valentine’s Day a fabulous holiday?! So fab! I mean, really, what’s more fun than being single and watching all the couples around you post nauseatingly cute photos together and messages about how wonderful their relationships are? I just love that. Love it to bits! Do I sound bitter or something? I can’t imagine why. Sure, I’m 25 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, so I’m kind of wondering what’s wrong with me aside from my total lack of emotional stability. But that doesn’t mean I’m bitter! Instead, I’m thankful. Thankful that I’m lucky enough to live in a region where this holiday is not only celebrated, it’s idolized. You would not believe how much fun it is to walk down the aisles of my local drugstore and get absolutely no reprieve from the imagery of pink hearts, angels, and fuzzy bears that have come to symbolize Valentine’s Day.
Having said that, I’m completely aware that this holiday is difficult for some single people. Some of us – sorry, you – mayhaps feel a bit excluded. We… ahem, sorry again, you might find yourself thinking that Valentine’s Day is depressing or isolating. I’ve even heard some people say that it’s “too commercial!” As if such a thing were possible! No, I think Valentine’s Day is a unifying day that everyone can enjoy, regardless of age, color, criminal record, or relationship status. Yes, you read that last one correctly. Valentine’s Day can be a blast for us singles, too. And how!
Here’s everything you should do to have a terrific Valentine’s Day as a singleton.
Get yourself some chocolate, duh.
There is truly no gift like the gift of saturated fat, and that’s especially true on V-Day, because chocolate is a symbol of love. Since we’re single, though, it’s up to us to get our own. You’ll be able to pick up a heart-shaped box of goodies at any grocery store, drugstore, convenience store, and literally any other store that sells food, or you can go fancy and go to a “gourmet” shop like Godiva where you’ll not only be able to get some delicious chocolates, you’ll also be able to spend about three times as much money. If you were planning to enjoy the day in your pajamas with a bottle of wine in your one free hand, though, and thus aren’t able to travel, you can buy your chocolates online. Amazon has a decent selection, but why not support a local Detroit business like BonBonBon?
There are, like, sooooo many romantic movies you can watch… although, for some mysterious reason, they tend to not do so well in the ratings department. I’m sure those nasty film critics are just jealous, right? Not us, though! Chill and cool singles like you and I are totally capable of watching a romance flick and appreciating the beauty that blossoms onscreen. Your options range from “From Justin to Kelly” to “Fifty Shades of Grey” – both of which are (shockingly!) on the IMDB Bottom 100 list. To be honest with you, though my choice of movies on Valentine’s Day tends toward pictures like “Saw,” where a lot of people die. I’m not sure why that is!
Romantic bubble bath for one, anybody?
What else do couples like to do on Valentine’s Day? Well? That wasn’t rhetorical – I’m seriously running out of ideas here. Oh yeah, they take bubble baths together. No reason you can’t do that yourself, too! If you decided to cheap out on the chocolates, you can use the leftover money to buy yourself some candles and even some bath salts! The cleaning kind, not the snorty kind. Then you just… take a bath. Hmm. Why is this not sounding as fun as I imagined? Well, the nice thing about bathing alone is that you can fart all ya want. What’s more romantic than that?
Fancy dinner, solo style
I know what you might be thinking: “The last place I want to visit is a restaurant! I have no interest in being around all those people in love.” But dining alone can be a great time, even on Valentine’s Day. Now you won’t have to share that bottle of wine you ordered, and you’ll still be able to take advantage of all those couple’s deals. And while there will probably be some truly irritating… I mean, beautiful affectionate diners around you, there will also be lots of families with loud children annoying everyone trying to enjoy a date, along with some clearly incompatible couples that will spend the evening attempting to make small talk. What a treat it is to listen in to that. If you want, you can even try to convince your server that you’ve been stood up for a date and act all depressed. Maybe they’ll give you a mint or something.
Card exchange… sort of
We can’t forget the most enduring Valentine’s Day tradition. Cards! Normally people give these to their sweeties, but since you and I don’t have one, is there still a point to making cards? Absolutely, but get this: you’re gonna pull a Regina George and write your own name on there. Then grab your smartphone, take a pic, and slap it on Instagram. How you choose to explain this is up to you, so get creative, and put some muscle into it (because we both know we’re not gonna use our muscles for anything else today). You could claim someone slipped the card under your door, or if you’re more daring, pretend your nonexistent lover – who conveniently doesn’t have an Instagram account – gave it to you. If people push for details, threaten to press charges.
Enjoy Valentine’s Day!
So, you see? Even though we’re single, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a great time on Valentine’s Day. Let this be the year that instead of spending the day feeling sorry for ourselves, we feel sorry for ourselves while we join in on the holiday festivities.